What is BDSM? Discover all the basics here!

Sex is something we only talk about among true friends. There is a taboo surrounding it, and in our opinion, that needs to be broken. Especially when it comes to BDSM. But what does BDSM stand for? What exactly does it involve? And is it really as exciting as many people claim?

Curious about BDSM? Discover everything you need to know about BDSM in this blog article.

Fifty Shades of Grey

If you have ever watched the fantastic Fifty Shades of Grey series, you probably already have a certain idea or image of what BDSM involves. But how accurate is that image actually?

What exactly does BDSM mean?

BDSM is a very diverse world that encompasses much more than just the sadomasochistic scenes and wild activities that people often think of. SM – sadomasochism – is actually only one (small) part of a much larger whole. The abbreviation BDSM stands for:

• Bondage & Discipline
• Dominance & Submission
• Sadism & Masochism

Many different practices also fall within these main categories, such as bondage, role-playing, spanking, choking and more. And here comes the surprise… BDSM is not always just about sex.

In fact, for most people, BDSM is not about sex at all. It gives them more of an opportunity to learn to trust each other, explore boundaries together and build a deeper connection with each other.

What makes BDSM unique?

The beautiful and unique thing about BDSM is that it is different for everyone. Every person gives it a different meaning. For some, it is about the excitement of control and surrender. Others find pleasure in the physical aspect, such as the feeling of a rope around their wrists or the sound of a whip.

What all forms do have in common, however, is that they are based on consent. Open communication, clear agreements and mutual respect are always central.

What is sadomasochism?

We briefly mentioned SM at the beginning of this article. This well-known part of BDSM is what spontaneously comes to mind for most people when they try to form an image of BDSM.

So, if you think BDSM mainly involves spanking, (light) choking and similar activities, then you are thinking of the SM category.

This part of BDSM is largely about enjoying pain. This can happen in two different ways, namely hurting someone else/your partner (sadism) or being a slave and experiencing the pain yourself (masochism).

Although you may not expect it, the difference between pain and pleasure is very small. This is because the two areas in your brain responsible for these feelings are located very close to each other.

Pain can also cause endorphins to be released. This is the well-known hormone that creates feelings of happiness and pleasure. Receiving or giving painful acts can therefore – in the right setting and with the right agreements – lead to sexual pleasure. Unique, right?

What are dominance and submission?

Dominance and submission, also known as power play, are aspects of BDSM that revolve around control and trust. The idea is very simple: one person takes the lead (the dom, or dominant), while the other completely surrenders (the sub, or submissive).

The role of the dom is that of the leader: he/she sets the rules, gives commands and guides the entire scene. On the other hand, the sub voluntarily surrenders and lets go of control. This unique role-play is not only about power, but above all about trust!

What are bondage and discipline?

Bondage is largely about physical acts. Think of being tied up with ropes, chains and handcuffs. The idea is to literally take away someone’s freedom of movement, which creates tension and excitement.

Here too, just as with dominance, it is about obedience, rules and sometimes even punishments… It is up to you how far you want to go!

How do you start with BDSM?

For the newbies among us, we would also like to share how to get started with BDSM. It is an exciting and difficult step for many people.

We recommend starting with a light version of BDSM first. This way, you can try it out together with your partner and see whether it is something for you. Of course, for this first time (and actually for all subsequent times as well), it is important that you do this with someone you completely trust.

“As is actually always the case with sex: communication is key!”

And with BDSM, it is even more important. So first discuss together what you both want to do and what you expect from it. Discuss what you think you would enjoy and indicate where your boundaries lie. And we will discuss the golden rule separately in the next paragraph. Precisely because it is so important:

The golden rule: a safe word

There are several rules that you should follow when engaging in BDSM, but one of them definitely stands above all the others: agree on a safe word before you start! Using one is essential for a pleasant experience for both partners. You can say this special word if you want to stop or if your boundaries are being crossed. Because just because you engage in BDSM does not mean you can no longer set boundaries.

A safe word can really be anything. Nevertheless, we recommend choosing a word that has absolutely nothing to do with sex, such as car or bicycle. Do you also notice how short these words are? This makes them easier to say when you are experiencing pain. A word that is too long can potentially become complicated when you are fully caught up in the moment.

Make sure that you both know exactly what the safe word is beforehand and that the word means that you will take a break IMMEDIATELY.

So, that’s it! Hopefully, after reading this blog article, you are completely familiar with the world of BDSM and are intrigued to try it yourself with someone you completely trust.

Mr. Stiff

Mr. Stiff helps men achieve a healthier sex life. We do this through natural libido boosters. In addition, we share knowledge and information about important aspects that can influence the sex lives of men and women (both positively and negatively).